The Best Cover Letter I Ever Read

A friend of mine is at her wit’s end applying for jobs from bartending to babysitting to vet teching. She found a job opportunity as an ice cream truck driver and wrote the most blatantly honest, hilarious cover letter. I’ve always wanted to write a cover letter saying exactly what I think without the polished corporate speak. I simply had to share.

Back in the day (1997), I drove an ancient ’56 International stepvan
around inner city Portland, to the tune of ‘The Entertainer’, or
‘Turkey in the Straw’, selling crappy manufactured ice cream bars to
impoverished youth. Executing a 27 point turn on a dead end street
without killing any one member of the mob of children surrounding the
truck speaks volumes for my skills. Ask my friend John Bruno, he
owned the company. there were 2 other trucks, a Ford and a Chevy, but
the International was my personal favorite. It looked like something
out of Toontown.

So, suffice it to say, I am qualified. I also have excellent
navigational skills, and know northern California, Oregon, and much of
Washington state quite well already.

I have other experience: I am a self-employed horse trainer, and have
been a: bartender, cowgirl, barista, veterinary technician, organic
farmer, (am still an) excellent party host, have taken EMT courses,
speak Spanish, am a world traveler, have lived off-the-grid, out of my
car, and out of a tent, can change a tire, change oil and spark plugs,
jump start a vehicle, drive a 1 ton truck with bumper-pull or
gooseneck trailer, can (in a minor emergency) doctor humans and
various other animals, understand the importance of local,
sustainable, organic, biodynamic, perma-cultured, fair-trade,
humanitarian enterprises, am radically in favor of aforementioned
enterprises, can talk to anyone about anything, enjoy adventure, make
friends easily, network expertly, know someone almost everywhere, play
the banjo (badly), and would absolutely love to do this job.”